Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
