All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
