Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
