Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
