my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish life had little blips of pornography
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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