I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
