And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
