Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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