Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
