sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
