I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
