i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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