Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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