Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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