If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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