Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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