my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
