Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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