He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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