why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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