I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
