guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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