and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
