He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
