I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Holy sore nipples Batman
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
