you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
