Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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