Whoa Z and x make the same sound
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
