I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
well most of my day revolves around power hour
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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