it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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