I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
