It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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