who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
