If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
you never un-have a 4some
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
