I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
