No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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