OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
