At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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