worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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