he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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