Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
