His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
