Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
