She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
