I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
