Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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