Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
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