Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
