there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
