he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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