lets start a swedish sibling band together
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
