anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
