Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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